Shame: The Social Pressure

Part of the problem of my personal experiences with depression, OCD and anxiety, apart from the effects of living with these issues, is the very obvious and unnecessary cultural aspect we as a society have attached to mental health; shame.

I have recognised shame in a number of guises over the years as a very peculiar form of policing how we think, identify and speak.

The taboos we face are particular to the cultural definitions of what is supposedly worth feeling ashamed about.  In this economy, hard work is viewed as a virtue in a false dichotomy with the concept of being lazy.  These are largely subjective definitions as we are all built differently, have differing talents and energy levels.

I contracted glandular fever when I was about 15.  The energy levels were disabling, my ability to complete my GCSE’s were affected and I suspect I have been affected ever since in my ability to energise and self motivate.

I work as an actor, its my passion, the most powerful work I have ever enjoyed. Yet I recognise the pervasive attitude that arts are frivolous pastimes in comparison to ‘serious’ subjects such as abstract finance careers in speculative finance economics, or traditional ‘real’ jobs viewed in a Victorian moralising light.

I think this has permeated our culture, this prejudice of who is worthy and unworthy.  Deserving of support and undeserving.  It cultivates two tiers for care and support.  It enters our very own psyches as a form of self policing which only enforces depressive and self-judging mentalities, feeding intrusive thoughts about being unworthy, about needing to earn safety, peace and love, rather than having these as a right.

I think, ultimately, how we interact socially affects very closely how we fare and heal mentally.

We are still essentially a Victorian society when it comes to the *morality* of mental illness.  There are way too many people who still falsely believe that being ill in the mind is a form of moral failure.  

It is a cultural, political ignorance which holds us back from honestly and maturely linking our scientific knowledge of mental illness to how we as a society face that and support the vast numbers of us who are affected by it.

It is pervasive in our language, when arguing, people tend to shut a person down by labeling them ‘mad’.  How many women over history have been imprisoned using the excuse of ‘madness’?  How many abuses have been concealed by such a morality of silence?

I think cultural identity operates in this vein of self policing.  Thus we don’t ask for help, even when we are breaking inside.

The myth of masculinity is a powerful case in point.  Look at the suicide rates among young men.  When the internal reality of being ill faces the crushing pressure of social expectation, many tragically end the pain the only way they know how.  Somehow, suicide has become more acceptable than asking for help.  Another myth; the noble end.

We are triply burdened; by the illness, by the toxicity of the shame associated with it and finally by the lack of resolution or integration we allow in ourselves by not asking for help.

Funding for mental health care services is a powerful indicator for how significant we actually, officially consider this to be a concern.

How we treat the weakest, those least able to help themselves, is a reflection of how we view ourselves internally.  The priorities we give ourselves as a society and a political system reflects this.

Communicating the experience of depression or anxiety often requires abstract forms of explanation to another person who has not experienced it.  Yet communicate we must.  Because it is ignorance which has fed fear over the years, ignorance which exacerbates the isolation and atomisation which has traditionally burdened those already in pain and need of help.

I have chosen to write anonymously because my point is this isn’t about any one of us, but all of us collectively.  

I know I have been harder on myself than others have.  Its easy to forget that the best friend we can have in this life is our own self.  If you judge yourself so harshly as deficient to your expectations, what hope can others expect of you?  

The internal policeman isn’t you, it is learned.  As is the idea that exhaustive work earns, or qualifies you for, happiness. Give yourself the grace to ‘fail’.  Prioritise compassion for your self.  And in that practice, compassion for others becomes habituated.  The point of this campaign is to normalise communication about issues which affect us all, without fear of consequence and without shame. #itaffectsme